MOTORSPORT /// F1 /// 2014 GRAND PRIX OF HUNGARY (25.7.2014 – 27.7.2014) /// UNWANTED COMMENTARY: SHALL WE DO THIS LIVE?…

  • Good morning!
  • This is the Hungarian Grand Prix.
  • It is the final round before summer break.
  • And, it is being broadcast on CNBC.
  • …In the US.
  • …Rest of the world – you’re on your own.
  • A little about the circuit…
  • …The Hungaroring.
  • …Which you don’t so much watch as contract.
  • …But, it’s a great parasitical malady to have.
  • …It is 4.381km (2.722mi) long.
  • …It is run clockwise.
  • …And shaped like a bust of Johnny Bravo.
  • …The cartoon.
  • …Not Greg Brady’s persona when he fit the suit.
  • …Very twisty, turny, and hilly.
  • …It’s not the most pass-friendly of circuits.
  • …There will be 70 laps.
  • …Which brings the total distance traveled to 306.630km (190.531mi).
  • …Weather-wise…
  • …Practices 1 and 2 were sunny and hot.
  • …Mid/upper-80s (Fahrenheit).
  • …Practice 3 and Qualifying were hot, but not as hot.
  • …With a touch of moisture in the air.
  • …Today…
  • …It is (currently) 68 and rain/between rounds of rain/storms.
  • …The track is quite saturated.
  • …This could very well be the first soaker we’ve seen in a while.
  • A look back at 2013…
  • …It was won by Hamilton.
  • …In his first season with Mercedes.
  • …His second consecutive win at Hungaroring,
  • …Which tied him with Michael Schumacher for most wins at Hungary.
  • …Four.
  • …Second was Räikkönen (with Lotus at the time).
  • …Third was Red Bull’s Vettel.
  • …I do believe this is on Vettel’s short list of circuits he’s not won at.
  • Qualifying…
  • …Rosberg took pole.
  • …Followed by Vettel, Williams’ Bottas, and Red Bull’s Ricciardo.
  • …Lotus’ Maldonado failed to log a time in Q1, courtesy of complete engine failure.
  • …A gearbox change will put him in 20th.
  • …A major fire caused Hamilton to exit Q1 before logging a time.
  • …The Hungaroring dominator ended in 22nd.
  • …But, will be starting from pitlane after a change of chassis.
  • …A bizarre call from Ferrari caused Räikkönen to lose advancement to Q2.
  • …Watching helplessly from his car, through his visor, ready to go, but sitting stationary in the garage.
  • …He starts in 16th.
  • …McLaren rookie Magnussen made it to Q3, but failed to log a time after crashing into a tire wall rather dramatically.
  • …Like Hamilton, a chassis change will put his start in the pitlane.
  • …So, we’ll see what those guys can do with what they’ve been given.
  • Other notes…
  • …More like ‘note’…
  • …McLaren’s Jenson Button is returning his hot pink Pink for Papa helmet to action (this weekend).
  • …The one he wore at his home race (Britain).
  • …The one that brought him a bit of luck, just missing the podium in a vicious race to the very end.
  • …Why?
  • …It’s his late father’s birthday (today).
  • …So, can I just say that I hope it brings him even better luck.
  • …He’s a guy who (really) deserves a better season than his car is giving him.
  • Well, the race is off to a great start.
  • …Toro Rosso rookie Kvyat is stuck in his box.
  • …His engine appears to have died while waiting to start the formation lap.
  • …Looks like they’re going to pull him back to the pits for a fix.
  • …Will they do it and will he make it back?
  • Here we go!
  • The cars are fan boats on this track as they head off the line.
  • Hamilton is off.
  • …After starting from the pits.
  • …It doesn’t look like he made hard impact with the barrier.
  • …Fortunately.
  • …He is radioing for front end checks.
  • …And reporting that the brakes went out.
  • …Mercedes radios back that his brakes are cool.
  • …In the bad way.
  • …Not the ‘Pulp Fiction’ way.
  • …Honey Bunnies.
  • About every car has had a bit of a slide.
  • …Alonso’s Ferrari has had several.
  • …Leading up to this, Alonso and his team had been working overtime to get the setup right for this circuit.
  • …The Ferraris have been troubled and the Hungaroring is tricky.
  • Rosberg takes it wide.
  • …From the front.
  • …With Vettel right on him.
  • …So, he just sprays Vettel a little more.
  • …Water fight!!!
  • Bottas slips his Williams around Vettel to break it up.
  • …Finntastically.
  • At Lap 5…
  • …It’s Rosberg, Bottas, Vettel, Alonso.
  • Now, as the cars lap the track, it evaporates the moisture and puts rubber down.
  • …So, we’re seeing the spray go down with every lap.
  • …But, the question is, for how long?
  • If you’re wondering how good Hamilton is…
  • …After starting from the pits.
  • …After going off.
  • …The deadest of dead 22nd place.
  • …He is right on Kimi, battling for 13th.
  • Ericsson’s Caterham is off.
  • …Major crash.
  • …Two marshals are waving quite frantically.
  • …But, the Swede does get out and walk away.
  • …That was a hard head-on right into the tire wall.
  • …So, needless to say, Ericsson is out.
  • Safety Car out.
  • Cars pit.
  • …Reports of many switching to less grippy options.
  • A little wheel-to-wheel action in the pitlane.
  • …Force India’s Perez and Sauber’s Gutierrez!
  • …The feisty Mexican drivers!
  • …Showing exactly why Mexico needed to be back on the calendar.
  • …So, which one is going to get a penalty for this?
  • …You don’t get into a situation like that without one.
  • Lotus’ Grosjean crashes out.
  • …Yes, under Safety Car speeds.
  • …So, retirement number two.
  • …Under retirement number one.
  • …And, this is with okay weather conditions.
  • That looked like a questionable release from McLaren.
  • …With Button rolling out and just about into Ricciardo.
  • …Teams are acting frantically, to say the least.
  • …This between weather waves stuff makes them crazy.
  • Safety Car back to its lair.
  • As we come back, the lineup looks like…
  • …You know how swirly loops in The Beatles’ “Being for the Benefit of Mr Kite!” were made by cutting the tape and piecing them back together?
  • …Like that.
  • …Button takes the lead.
  • …The leaders drop to fifth and down.
  • …Hamilton shoots to well within points range.
  • More wheel-to-wheel coming out of the pitlane.
  • No!!!
  • …The Incredible Hülkenberg is out!!!
  • …For the first time this season!!!
  • …Screw “Hülkenberg no like”!
  • …-I- don’t like!
  • …Ooo-it was Perez who forced him off.
  • …His teammate.
  • At Lap 18…
  • …It’s Red Bull’s Ricciardo, Williams’ Massa, Ferrari’s Alonso, and…
  • …Wait for it…
  • …Toro Rosso’s Vergne (!)…
  • …In the lead.
  • …Yes, Jean-Eric Vergne!
  • …Hamilton is battling Vettel for sixth.
  • …Just a little FYI.
  • …Vettel started on the front row.
  • …Hamilton, from the pits.
  • …But, Vettel isn’t going to make advancement easy for the four-time Hungaroring winner.
  • Marussia’s Bianchi and Lotus’ Maldonado pull off for a little dance.
  • …They invited Caterham’s Kobayashi.
  • …But, Kobayashi thought he’d just be a third wheel.
  • …Okay, they’re done.
  • …Back to business, guys.
  • Huge crash for Perez!
  • …Spraying the track with parts as he spins into the wall.
  • …After flying across the pavement.
  • …But, he emerges okay and with a wave for the crowd.
  • …So, after going wheel to wheel with Gutierrez in the pits…
  • …After taking out his teammate…
  • …The remaining Force India’s luck runs out.
  • So, at Lap 25…
  • …With another Safety Car…
  • …It’s Alonso, Vergne, Rosberg, and Vettel in the lead.
  • …Hamilton is in fifth; yes, fifth.
  • …At Lap 25.
  • …Of 70.
  • …Man, if that doesn’t say a lot about how this race has rolled.
  • Good god…
  • …Kobayashi is out.
  • …Yes, again, under a Safety Car.
  • …So, both Caterhams are out.
  • If you are (still) in the race…
  • …Congratulations.
  • …Though the track is (still) a bit wet.
  • …You can see darker spots on the pavement.
  • …There has been no (actual) hard rain.
  • …Yet.
  • …And, yet, the retirement list keeps growing.
  • …Very dramatic exits, it should be noted.
  • Kimi goes off and back on.
  • …Goddammit, Kimi.
  • …My patience…
  • …Which is ridiculous…
  • …Is starting to run out with this whole Ferrari/Kimi matter.
  • …It was holding him in Q1, which caused him to miss advancement, that did it, I do believe.
  • …Okay, maybe it was that massive crash at Britain.
  • Back to all those retirements…
  • …I keep hearing the same thing…
  • …Hitting the paint.
  • …As Vettel spins across the track and slams into the wall.
  • …Oh, he’s (still) going, though.
  • …Oh, did he even hit the wall?
  • …Did he stop within millimeters or lightly slap it?
  • …I’m not sure.
  • …Well, whatever; carry on.
  • …Anyway, anyone who drives or has ever cycled or walked on a road or paved bike trail can understand the wet paint issue.
  • …The paint acts as a sealant, and a slippery one.
  • …You hit it wrong, you’ll slip.
  • …Cars are hitting it wrong.
  • Gutierrez retires.
  • …Both Saubers were in the top 10.
  • …For once.
  • …But, the mechanical gremlins weren’t interested in playing anymore.
  • Okay, something to know about me…
  • …I’m not comfortable with being right about race predictions.
  • …I just don’t like to make those calls and don’t think I’m qualified or very good at it.
  • …If anything, I’ll predict retirements at tricky events.
  • …I predicted Hamilton would blast through to the top.
  • …He’s in second.
  • …Second.
  • …From the pits.
  • …After a spin.
  • …No one is more confused than I am.
  • Alonso pits.
  • …Which puts Hamilton in the lead.
  • …No, really.
  • …Hamilton has just taken the lead.
  • That is one very black sky in the not-so-distant distance.
  • Hamilton pits.
  • …The lead goes to Ricciardo.
  • …Massa moves into second.
  • Can we just keep listening to the radio transmissions between Alonso and Ferrari?
  • …Whether in English or Italian, it (always) sounds like they’re chatting over cappuccinos.
  • …With those insanely exaggerated rolling ‘r’s.
  • …Ferrari might be able to get a few more seconds if they watched those chats.
  • BFFs Kimi and Seb battle through the turns.
  • …Duck-duck-Grey Goose!
  • Ricciardo reporting power loss.
  • …Red Bull radioing “fail” a few times.
  • …So, we’ll see how critical these failures are.
  • At Lap 44…
  • …Ricciardo, Massa, Alonso, and Hamilton lead.
  • Quick question…
  • …Is it just me who sees the Williams mechanics as Storm Troopers?
  • …My brain just inserts the synchronized speed marching sounds.
  • …Massa just pitted.
  • …If anyone’s wondering where that came from.
  • I don’t even know what’s going on with the standings.
  • …This race is batshit crazy.
  • …To say the least.
  • …Everyone is everywhere.
  • …All the while, it’s a tire-game race.
  • …Trying to squeeze as much out of the conditions before they deteriorate.
  • Mercedes is telling Hamilton to let Rosberg pass.
  • …The thing is…
  • …Rosberg doesn’t look like he’s within range.
  • …But, maybe, they’re just preparing?
  • …Oh…
  • …Reports that Hamilton has said, “No.”
  • …You know what?
  • …Go for it.
  • …Really.
  • …Just let the two work it out.
  • …They like it, they like a proper fight.
  • …If you missed it, Rosberg made comments, going into this, that he missed having a proper battle with Hamilton at Germany.
  • …Could they crash into one another?
  • …Maybe.
  • …And, that would be bad in many, many ways.
  • …But, the gains so outweigh the potential losses.
  • …Despite Rosberg’s calls, wondering why Hamilton isn’t letting him pass, he likes the challenge.
  • …And, still, I have no idea what this is about.
  • …He (really) doesn’t look like he’s in any position to pass.
  • …What are we not seeing?
  • …Or, is Hamilton, seriously, like, just supposed to pull over?
  • …”Here, take it; no, really, it’s yours”?
  • …Weird, weird stuff at Mercedes.
  • …(Maybe) they’re all on Toto’s painkillers.
  • …They’ve dissolved as crazy pills.
  • …Hamilton may not have gotten any.
  • Ricciardo (finally) pits for tires.
  • …After radioing that they were shot.
  • At Lap 58…
  • …Alonso, Hamilton, Ricciardo, and Bottas lead.
  • …No, no idea where Bottas came from.
  • …He went from second row to the teens to this.
  • …He’s Finnish.
  • …Best not to question it.
  • …Likewise, Kimi is in sixth.
  • Strike that as Bottas pits.
  • Massa, Rosberg, Räikkönen conga line through the turns.
  • …All interchangeable.
  • …Like Mr Potatohead’s features that turn him from potato to potatohead.
  • Vergne has dropped to ninth.
  • Magnussen has gone from a pit start to 12th.
  • Sutil has dropped out of points.
  • …But, in 11th, he’s within range.
  • …That would be Sauber’s first points of the season.
  • …Hideous for Sauber.
  • …And, Sutil deserves a better ride.
  • Ooo-Alonso has a little off.
  • …He remains in front.
  • …But, his tires look a little…
  • …Terrifying?
  • …At Lap 64, this is not a good situation.
  • …He’s (really) going to have to put his eyebrows into this.
  • Ricciardo is on Hamilton, Hamilton is on Alonso.
  • …As Ricciardo goes wide!
  • …Too ambitious!  Retreat!
  • …As Rosberg creeps up behind them.
  • …He may very well sneak into this party.
  • …Especially, if Hamilton pulls over for Rosberg to pass.
  • …That -was- the plan, right?
  • …Little lockup from Hamilton.
  • …Each one of them is having these little slip-ups.
  • …As we pass SLAPS and move into the final four laps.
  • Ricciardo passes Hamilton!
  • …With four laps remaining!
  • …He’s (now) riding the Spaniard.
  • …The radio transmissions at Ferrari must be amazing.
  • Ricciardo passes Alonso!!!
  • …Ricciardo takes the lead.
  • Hamilton’s front is just about on Alonso’s rear!
  • …Oh, man, was that a sentence!!!
  • …Alonso is not an easy man to pass.
  • …He’s older and wiser than everyone but Kimi and Button.
  • …Wait…
  • …Or, is Massa the older of those two 1981-ers?
  • …Whatever.
  • …He’s Spanish.
  • Ricciardo has left that craziness far behind.
  • Final lap!
  • Who will it be?
  • Hamilton is not going to give up that spot to Rosberg.
  • Shot of Ricciardo, pumping his fist before he gets to the finish.
  • …Prepare for new levels of stoked, world!
  • …The new guy at Red Bull has just won his second race of the season.
  • …Of his career.
  • Ricciardo, Alonso, Hamilton, Rosberg.
  • Shall we discuss Mercedes?
  • …Usually, one wouldn’t say that Rosberg’s race was crappy.
  • …Because, it wasn’t.
  • …But, when you look at Hamilton…
  • …Pitlane to third.
  • …With a crash.
  • …That’s craziness.
  • Speaking of craziness…
  • …I don’t know how many times Ferrari radioed “super”, but I could use some more.
  • …Oh, yep, there we go, “Rrriichaardooo”.
  • …Let’s kick back with some tiramisu and celebrate.
  • So, how’s that for a podium?
  • …This is one of those times a sentence like…
  • …A group of guys who shouldn’t be there, but should…
  • …Makes absolute sense.
  • …As Ricciardo continues to pump his fists.
  • …Oh, that was some chest beating.
  • …I made ape noises at the TV, did you?
  • …I bet he can remove his helmet with his smile.
  • Also, I just shouted, “Goddammit, Sutil just missed points”.
  • …He came in 11th.
  • In other points news…
  • …Kimi held onto sixth.
  • …So, a good race for struggling Ferrari.
  • …Sadly, Maldonado couldn’t hold on and ends in 13th.
  • …Yes, 13 in 13th.
  • …Fun fact: The Hungaroring doesn’t have a #13 in its grid position.
  • …No, really.
  • …In its place is a court jester/joker’s wild graphic.
  • …Well, I mean, when you think of superstitious regions, what springs to mind first?
  • …It’s (always) cool to see it embraced and in action.
  • …So, anyway, take that all as you may.
  • …Kvyat -did- start and -did- finish.
  • …In 14th.
  • …But, hey, after that start, 14th is more than pretty okay.
  • …A finish is more than pretty okay, actually.
  • …Button didn’t have the race he should have, but nabbed the final point with a 10th-place finish.
  • …I think his helmet should get a redo.
  • Podium time.
  • …Needless to say, Ricciardo has taken stoked to new levels.
  • …Alonso looks satisfied with second.
  • …A smile from Hamilton.
  • …Not as excited as one might expect from that performance.
  • …(Maybe) he’s just pooped.
  • …Or, annoyed with those weird team order transmissions.
  • Sad that Bottas’ unbelievable podium streak is over.
  • …But, with a podium like this, who could complain.
  • …Well, I suspect a lot of people.
  • …But, whatever.
  • My mom has confirmed to me that Massa is older than Alonso.
  • …She knows these things.
  • …Good source to have.
  • Alonso’s podium interview.
  • …He (actually) said that Ferrari knew they needed some “crazy” races to get results.
  • …What everyone should (really) take from that is Alonso, saying “crazy”.
  • …Places I’m not allowed: Spain and Italy.
  • Hamilton’s podium interview.
  • …Well, he thanks the lord that he didn’t sustain any damage in that crash.
  • …Oh, I suppose that “L” should have capitalized.
  • …More #blessed, less Jamiroquai.
  • …Why does it…
  • …Have to be like that?
  • …-clap-clap-
  • …Other than that, he seems not-so-stoked.
  • …I suppose those team orders pissed him off.
  • …It’s very possible that they distracted him, as well.
  • …It was tight at the front, it was anyone’s game after a very tough race.
  • …It had to have been a tough pill for anyone who didn’t win, no matter how amazingly they drove to swallow.
  • …And pure elation for the winner.
  • Speaking of…
  • Ricciardo’s podium interview.
  • …He plans to celebrate and party for…
  • …A few days.
  • …So, summer break is on for Ricciardo.
  • …Just, you know, don’t trust hostel girls in Central Europe.
  • …Just sayin’.
  • …Educational film.
  • Rosberg seems okay with his result.
  • …Not great, a little bummed, but like he’ll bounce back quickly.
  • …Acknowledging that it was a rough, up-and-down race.
  • …But, seemingly bothered by something.
  • …Oh, he’s not going to talk about things in theory and there are things the team will be discussing.
  • Well, that is that for Hungary.
  • The rain held off!
  • …The storm-less streak lives on!
  • Oh, and for all those who picked on the Santander trophies…
  • …The ones designed by students and chosen in a competition, I might add (once again)…
  • …I hope you noticed the return of traditional trophies.
  • …As Hungary is not a Santander-majority-sponsored race.
  • Next up will be Belgium.
  • …The notorious Spa.
  • …If you thought this was wild…
  • …Let’s see how these beasts behave at Spa.
  • But, first, summer break.
  • So, rather than look ahead, I’ll just end with an order for everyone to leave this like elementary kids, busting out the school doors on the last day of school.
  • World Rally Championship action returns this week.
  • …Yeah, because F1 and WRC couldn’t possibly have a summer break overlap of any sort.
  • …So, that is what I will be up to.
  • Enjoy your break from my F1 babbling!
  • …See you at the end of August.
  • Oh, just remember, though…
  • …F1 has decided that they need someone in charge of…
  • …I’m not even, really sure.
  • …Some sort of promotional initiative.
  • …Not unlike those people who claim to be social media experts.
  • …He’s a made up position with a made up title.
  • …Completely superfluous.
  • …Anyway, they’ve named Flavio Briatore as that someone.
  • …In the words of Briatore, while riding around the Monaco Grand Prix circuit in a Renault with Top Gear’s James May…
  • …Jesus-a Christ-a.
  • …So, have fun having that pop into your head.
  • Summer break!!!  Woo!!!
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