MOTORSPORT /// F1 /// 2015 GRAND PRIX OF MEXICO (30.10.2015 – 1.11.2015) /// UNWANTED COMMENTARY: SHALL WE DO THIS LIVE?…

  • Good afternoon!
  • It’s Mexican Grand Prix day!!!
  • It’s back!
  • And…
  • …I’ve missed it.
  • …All of it, up to this point.
  • …Like, actually and factually have not so much as glanced at any results.
  • …Yes, I’ve added the results to this site.
  • …Or, so it seems.
  • …As of now, I’ve reserved the spaces.
  • …I’ll have to go back and add them (later).
  • But, this isn’t about me.
  • …Thank god!
  • So…
  • …Autódromo Hermanos Rodríguez.
  • …In the mind-blowing ancient island that is the modern super-metropolis of Mexico City.
  • …4.304km (2.674mi) in length.
  • …17 turns.
  • …With one mega straight.
  • …All run clockwise.
  • …And, shaped like New York state.
  • …Sans Long Island.
  • …So, New York State, as seen through the eyes of a Manhattanite when not Hamptons-bound.
  • …Bygones.
  • …Today, there will be 71 laps.
  • …Which will bring the grand total goal distance to 305.354km (189.738mi).
  • …But, it’s a new track.
  • …Which means that it is incredibly slippery.
  • …With only the experience of the past two days to rely on.
  • Weather-wise…
  • …No one knows what today will bring.
  • …No, really.
  • …It is (currently) 69 sexy degrees (Fahrenheit).
  • …According to Weather Underground, there is a 92% chance of rain at 1pm.
  • …Which would mean start time.
  • …With the chance going to 100% at 2pm.
  • …But, reports have the skies at blue and lovely.
  • …Like I said, no one knows what’s going to happen.
  • So, how about what happened in 1992…
  • ..Quickly…
  • …Mansell (GBR) took the win for Williams-Renault.
  • …Teammate Patrese (ITA) took second.
  • …And, some dude named Michael Schumacher took third (for Benetton-Ford).
  • Today’s grid…
  • …Oh…let me find it…
  • …Seriously, I haven’t seen it…
  • …All I know is that both McLarens have 1000-place penalties.
  • …And, just heard that Ferrari’s Räikkönen was slapped with a 35-place penalty.
  • …For an engine change.
  • …Okay…
  • …Seriously?
  • …No one has bothered to put it out there ahead of the race?
  • …Ack…
  • …Hold on…
  • …Mercedes’ Rosberg and Hamilton
  • …Ferrari’s Vettel and Red Bull’s Kvyat
  • …Red Bull’s Ricciardo and Williams’ Bottas
  • …Williams’ Massa and Toro Rosso’s Verstappen
  • …Force India’s Perez and Hülkenberg
  • …Toro Rosso’s Sainz and Lotus’ Grosjean
  • …Lotus’ Maldonado and Sauber’s Ericsson
  • …Sauber’s Nasr and Manor’s Rossi
  • …Manor’s Stevens and McLaren’s Alonso
  • …Ferrari’s Räikkönen and McLaren’s Button
  • …Get it?
  • …Got it?
  • …Good.
  • I’m out of time!
  • Here we go!!!
  • VIVA MEXICO!!!!!!!
  • The Mercs break away.
  • …Big shocker, there.
  • Vettel radios with a puncture.
  • …Thus ruining everyone’s life.
  • …You know it’s true.
  • …The puncture was a result of contact with Ricciardo.
  • …Who keeps going.
  • …In fourth.
  • …As Vettel pits.
  • …Grossly slowly.
  • Alonso radios an SOS.
  • …And, is ordered to retire.
  • …Thus ruining more lives.
  • At Lap three…
  • …After that frenzy…
  • …It’s Rosberg, Hamilton, Kvyat, and Ricciardo on top.
  • Holy crap, this stadium setup is crazy!
  • …It’s a total arena!
  • …Gladiators and all!
  • …This is a crazy-fast track.
  • …Like, record-making and breaking.
  • …Then, they snake through these quick turns in the middle of a stadium.
  • …Bonkers.
  • …I mean, if you needed any reminders that North America is dead-serious with the whole ‘big’ thing…
  • …At the same time, there are these sections that are reminiscent of old-school tracks.
  • …Narrow and tree-lined.
  • …So, like Circuit Gilles Villeneuve (in Montreal).
  • …Vintage feel, with all the modern conveniences.
  • At Lap 8…
  • …Nothing at the top has changed.
  • …So, I’ll take this opportunity to note that Perez is in a stable eighth.
  • …Which should seem a little familiar.
  • …So, just keep your eyes on the Guadalajara native.
  • …He’s come a long-ass way since his rocky-with-a-little-cocky season of needing to be punched in the face.
  • …(I said it at the time, and I stand by it now: all he needed was reeling in – and, yes, maybe a punch in the face; big mistake, McLaren; big mistake.)
  • Drivers up and down the grid are (now) complaining of serious graining.
  • …Rubber, balling up on the tires.
  • …Everything about this track is different, if not challenging.
  • …The altitude, producing less engine air intake (which can show in power) and less downforce.
  • …The slick surface.
  • …All those fun elements of new tracks.
  • …Plus, the altitude thing.
  • …Which I’ve covered (at length) during every Rally Mexico.
  • …Which is fitting, as I heard that Kimi has equated performance on this circuit to rallying.
  • I lost my train of thought.
  • …(As said in the tone of Frank Costanza, in his Festivus table rant.)
  • …I saw some food.
  • …I’m a slut for Mexican food.
  • Uh…
  • …Okay…
  • …At Lap 17…
  • …Rosberg continues to toss his cap (back) at Hamilton.
  • …With front-row seats to that show going to Kvyat and Ricciardo.
  • Whelp…
  • …Vettel has just spun.
  • …Happy Day of the Dead Hopes for Vettel Crushing the Mercs.
  • …Back to you, Red Bull.
  • Perez pits.
  • …3.8 seconds.
  • …From sixth.
  • Vettel radios the team…
  • …”I -can- continue…”
  • …With the tone of a big ‘but’.
  • …Baby got back on that one.
  • NBC Sports’ Will Buxton has suggested to Alonso that he go hang out in the stands, grab some tacos and a cervesa.
  • …DO THAT!!!
  • …YES!!!
  • And, on that note…
  • NO…
  • …Well…
  • …That would be Kimi’s Ferrari, sitting on the side of the track.
  • …Oh…
  • …I see what happened.
  • …Remember when Kimi ruined everything for the entire grid (at Russia)?
  • …Trashing the Drivers’ standings?
  • …Giving the Constructors’ to Mercedes?
  • …By colliding with Bottas in the final lap?
  • …Yeah, so, he’s just run over Bottas’ front-left wheel and tossed himself out of the race.
  • …After working his way (up) from 19th to eighth.
  • …I’m just going to go ahead and ask what everyone is thinking…
  • …What the fuck is going on with him?
  • …No, really.
  • …Kimi is one of those guys who gets close, but never too close.
  • …What has gotten into him?
  • …And, why, so suddenly, Bottas?
  • …Ack.
  • …Whatever.
  • …I’m done (here).
  • Rosberg pits.
  • …It’s good.
  • …On his way (back) to the top.
  • Vettel…
  • …Has gone off.
  • …Again.
  • …I don’t know.
  • …He’s just crumbling at the absolute wrong time.
  • Hamilton pits.
  • …2.4.
  • …In, out, on with life.
  • …Like a good one-night stand.
  • Theory…
  • …Kimi and Bottas mistook everyone’s predictions and hopes that the Mercs would take each other out as directions for them.
  • …NO ONE WAS TALKING TO YOU!!!
  • …IT’S NOT FOR YOU!!!
  • …GO AWAY!!!
  • …Ack.
  • …Anyway…
  • …The stewards have spoken.
  • …Just a racing incident.
  • …I would have added ‘stupid’ somewhere in there.
  • …Officially.
  • Sainz gets a little wild, fighting Perez.
  • …A little off for the rookie.
  • …He gains a position after an off road adventure.
  • …And, promptly, like a good boy, lets Perez pass.
  • …IN THE STADIUM SECTION!
  • …The crowd goes wild!
  • …Viva Mexico!!!
  • At Lap 36…
  • …Rosberg, Hamilton, and Kvyat hold the podium positions.
  • …With the Williams boys (Bottas and Massa) rounding out the top five.
  • …Ricciardo, The Incredible Hülkenberg, Verstappen, Perez, and Sainz complete the points-position top 10.
  • …Alonso and Kimi remain the (only) retirements.
  • Is anyone (else) having trouble, keeping Gob Bluth’s voice out of their head?
  • …Hermano.
  • …Who is this “Hermano”?
  • Vettel is radioing with a warning of debris on track.
  • …Ferrari’s personal Trail of Tears?
  • Back to the Finns for a moment…
  • …If you haven’t noticed, Kimi never refers to anyone by name.
  • …Do you think he’s just stopped seeing everyone as living things (all together)?
  • …Like, today, did he just mistake Bottas’ Williams as a big, white bump on track?
  • …On par with Grosjean’s 2012 tunnel vision?
  • …I’m (only) half joking.
  • Vettel is directed to let the Mercs lap.
  • …He voices his discontent.
  • …”But, I’m quicker than him.”
  • …”Let.  Him.  By…”
  • Was that a tortilla on track?
  • …Mmm…
  • …Oh, my god.
  • …How many (more) laps until I can inhale a burrito (or, three)?
  • …This is why I’m not allowed in Mexico.
  • …That, and a deep, lifelong, love of sombreros.
  • …Lucha Libre.
  • …Bygones.
  • Rosberg has requested that his team not radio him.
  • …It’s (usually) Hamilton, making that request.
  • …But, okay.
  • …Let the dude focus.
  • …Oh, and, pit.
  • …2.7.
  • Mercedes radios Hamilton…
  • …”We are going to convert to Plan B…”
  • …The…emergency contraceptive?
  • …Man, those guys are busy.
  • …Ah…
  • …Pit stops.
  • …Hamilton, “Can I ask ‘why’?”
  • …”We’re worried about wear…safety.”
  • …No further questions.
  • …He pits.
  • …2.6.
  • …After his (very compliant) stop, Hamilton requests tire analysis results.
  • …Hey, he’s got the Championship, man.
  • …More wins are bonuses.
  • …That’s stress, down.
  • At Lap 50…
  • …Rosberg, Hamilton, and Kvyat race toward the podium.
  • …As Bottas and Massa race for the podium.
  • …Ricciardo, Hülkenberg, Perez, Verstappen, and Grosjean race in (and, for) the points.
  • …It should be noted that Perez passed Verstappen…
  • …In the stadium!
  • Vettel has crashed into the goddamn barriers.
  • …No, seriously.
  • …There’s no coming back from this.
  • …Vettel: “Okay.  I crashed.”
  • …”I’m okay…I’m sorry.”
  • Safety Car out.
  • A pit frenzy ensues.
  • Man…
  • …Ferrari.
  • …I don’t know what to say about what’s been going on (the last few races).
  • …Calm down, guys.
  • …Deep breaths.
  • …You know…
  • …After everyone (else) had fun during the COTA Qualifying rain delays…
  • …Arrivabene and Kimi complained.
  • …That F1 is not a circus, etc.
  • …Can I just toss it out there that this is a bit symptomatic of a lack of much-needed fun?
  • …No, really.
  • …Loosen the fuck up.
  • …Sadly, there were enough shots of Vettel, enjoying himself during those delays.
  • …Grabbing photos, hanging out, outside the garage, waving to fans, and all, to show that he’s not lost his fun.
  • …Bummer to hear him sound so down today.
  • …Insult to injury, I’m hearing that Ferrari hasn’t lost both cars to one race in a decade.
  • …Vettel’s just (visibly and audibly) frustrated.
  • …Ferrari told him “No problem”.
  • …He responded, “No, it -is- a problem  I did a fucking job today.”
  • …Dude.
  • …Shake it off and just bounce.
  • Barrier repaired.
  • Safety Car, back to its lair.
  • Race, on!
  • Bottas passes Kvyat!
  • …Right off the bat!
  • Nasr is stopped alongside the track.
  • …He keeps moving.
  • …Ah…
  • …He’s inching his way toward the little exit.
  • …Just getting off track, to keep the race going.
  • …He’s radioed that his brakes are shot.
  • …During the Safety Car period, Button had radioed that someone ahead appeared to have (visible) brake issues.
  • …So, mystery solved.
  • …Nasr joins the prestigious ranks of Vettel, Kimi, and Alonso.
  • …On the retirement list.
  • Things I say aloud, to the TV…
  • …”Where’s the ‘go fuck yourself’ zone?”
  • …In case anyone thought I just quietly let my fingers do the talking through these races.
  • …Nope.
  • …I’m a horrible person to watch sports with.
  • …Or, be around (in general).
  • Rossi passes Stevens for 15th.
  • …In Manor news.
  • Maldonado goes off…
  • …And, saves it!!!
  • …Just gives the barrier a pants-crapping scare and keeps going.
  • …Maintaining 11th.
  • …Rad Reminder…
  • …The Americans love racing in The Americas.
  • On that note…
  • …I don’t know where (else) to toss this in…
  • …So, if you missed it, Haas announced their second driver (on Friday, in Mexico).
  • …Yep, Gutierrez is back!
  • …After a great season as Ferrari’s reserve.
  • …Learning from two World Champions.
  • …And, really, just having a great attitude about it all.
  • …Really using the opportunity to (basically) get a Master’s in F1.
  • …He’ll be (back) in a car next season.
  • …I’m stoked.
  • …He was a good kid with a lot of promise.
  • …Another one of those guys who had these flashes of brilliance, whose aggression just needs to be reeled in and refined.
  • …So, a Mexican driver for the US team.
  • …Fuck yeah.
  • …Grosjean and Gutierrez.
  • …I like to call it ‘G Force’.
  • …Boom.
  • Lap Sexy 69…
  • …Rosberg, Hamilton, and Bottas head toward the podium.
  • …Kvyat and Ricciardo right behind.
  • …Massa, Mr Incredible, Perez, Verstappen, and Grosjean in the points.
  • …Maldonado, Ericsson, Sainz, Button, Rossi, and Stevens (still) on the move.
  • …Watching.
  • …Waiting.
  • …You never know.
  • Final lap…
  • Rosberg wins!
  • Hamilton, second.
  • Botta, third.
  • Kvyat, fourth.
  • Ricciardo, fifth.
  • Massa, sixth.
  • Hülkenberg, seventh.
  • Perez, eighth.
  • Verstappen, ninth.
  • Grosjean, tenth.
  • Maldonado, Ericsson, Sainz, Button, Rossi, and Stevens cross the line to complete the return of the Mexican Grand Prix.
  • …Alonso, Räikkönen, Vettel, and Nasr fail to complete the task.
  • …But, are (all) locked in for 2016.
  • …So, they’ll be back.
  • …So very wiser.
  • Oh!!!
  • …They’re parking the cars in the middle of the stadium!!!
  • …How fucking cool is that?!!!
  • …Viva Mexico, indeed!
  • …The drivers have to take a long walk past the crowds to get to their weigh-in.
  • …This was designed for the fans.
  • …Cool, just cool.
  • BUT, NOTHING IS AS COOL AS VALTTERI BOTTAS IN A SOMBRERO!!!
  • …NOTHING!!!
  • …THIS IS EVERYTHING!!!
  • Rosberg, looking natural in that sombrero.
  • …He needs to keep it on.
  • …It’s working.
  • …It’s working hard.
  • …I’m into it.
  • Fun Fact…
  • …No one loves sombreros like Nordics.
  • This podium…
  • …In the stadium…
  • …This is how it’s done.
  • …Rad.
  • …Just rad.
  • Oh, hey…
  • …Mexico’s last winner, Nigel Mansell, is handling the podium interviews.
  • …With help from his mustaches.
  • The crowd is just going absolutely insane.
  • This is a party.
  • Okay…
  • …Well, that’s that.
  • …There’s not much to say, is there?
  • …I keep hearing talk of adding another US race.
  • …Somewhere in California.
  • …I’ve (also) heard talk of a British Columbia contender.
  • …Look, if this is how these North American races are going to go…
  • …Let’s keep the party rolling.
  • …For all the crap the US and Mexico get…
  • …These races have not fallen short of capturing the wildness of this part of the world.
  • …(Not to leave out Canada, which is awesome and a crazy track, but more reflective of beautiful, old, refined, more European Montreal.)
  • …Which is such a relief!
  • …Phew!
  • …And, on that note, I’d like to point out that the Mexican Grand Prix grid girls looked gorgeous.
  • …Over the years, it’s bothered me that the Rally Mexico girls tend to be a little…
  • …Um…
  • …There’s a spandex situation, there.
  • …These girls?
  • …A nod to classic Mexico?
  • …Fantastic.
  • …Good call!
  • …Just a little bonus detail I’d like to highlight.
  • …I noticed.
  • Sadly, it’s time to wrap this little gift up.
  • …I hope to catch more next year.
  • …Because, this race was incredible.
  • …This is an absolutely fantastic venue.
  • …With amazingly enthusiastic crowds.
  • …To quote Linus, in “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!”…
  • …”Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see!”
  • …I mean, what a great stay in Austin and Mexico City.
  • …With the rain holding off in Mexico!
  • …Though the fans couldn’t care less (either way).
  • …You’re making the local (US and Mexican) fans proud, everyone involved.
  • …Really.
  • …It’s meant a lot.
  • …Thank you.
  • But…
  • …The American fun doesn’t stop (here)!
  • …Next up…
  • …It’s the southern leg of the tour.
  • …The Brazilian Grand Prix!
  • …From new to old, it’s time for the classic!
  • …So, while it’s so sad to see F1 leave Mexico…
  • …You just can’t be too sad, seeing Sao Paulo’s Interlagos on the horizon.
  • …But, you’ll have to wait until November 13th to get that party started.
  • …I know, I know.
  • …Sad sloth.
  • …Oh, what a sad thought.
  • …They’re such happy-looking creatures.
  • …I love sloths!
  • …Oh, my god!
  • …Anyway…
  • …P1 kicks things off on November 13th.
  • …With the penultimate race of the season going down on the 15th.
  • All that said…
  • …I’ll leave you with this…
  • …Rosberg beat Hamilton…
  • …Bottas survived being mistaken for track debris to return to the podium…
  • …WHERE HE ROCKED A SOMBRERO!!!…
  • …It’s burrito time!!!!!!!
  • …(Also, I’m going to relearn cross-stitching, so I can capture Bottas in a sombrero in a stunning work of craftastic art!)
  • …(Have a lovely day!)