MOTORSPORT /// F1 /// 2016 GRAND PRIX OF HUNGARY (22.7.2016 – 24.7.2016) /// UNWANTED COMMENTARY: SHALL WE DO THIS LIVE?…

  • Good morning!
  • Question…
  • …Are you hungry?
  • Because, I’m hungry.
  • I’m hungry for Hungary.
  • Okay…
  • …That was lame.
  • Anyway…
  • …If you can’t see where that was going…
  • …Welcome to Hungary, anyway.
  • …Which, if you’re in the US, is on NBCSN.
  • The Hungarian Grand Prix.
  • …Otherwise known as…
  • …Formula 1 Magyar Nagydíj 2016.
  • …All of which, however you prefer it (all), goes down at F1’s favorite parasitic malady petrie dish…
  • …The Hungaroring.
  • …In Budapest, Hungary (if you didn’t get that memo).
  • …Which is 4.381km (2.722mi) in length.
  • …Has 14 turns.
  • …Giving it a shape reminiscent of a bust of Johnny Bravo.
  • …The cartoon character, not the rock god thing those pseudo-hippie producers had a suit for on “The Brady Bunch” (they recruited Greg, because he  “fit the suit” – literally).
  • …Which is run clockwise.
  • …For 70 (scheduled) laps (today).
  • …Giving it a goal total distance of 306.630km (190.531mi)
  • …”Goal”, as this is F1.
  • …Anything can happen.
  • …And, most of it will.
  • …However, for those anticipating action on par with yesterday’s Q1 fiasco…
  • …In which a drenched, newly-resurfaced track led to four Red Flags.
  • …Don’t hold your breath.
  • …It is 82F (100 billion on track), and just a tad cloudy.
  • …With no rain forecasted.
  • Speaking of yesterday’s Qualifying…
  • …How about that starting grid?
  • …How about I put each driver’s 2015 results next to their name?
  • …Mercedes’ Nico Rosberg (8) / Mercedes’ Lewis Hamilton (10)
  • …Red Bull’s Daniel Ricciardo (3) / Red Bull’s Max Verstappen (4)
  • …Ferrari’s Sebastian Vettel (1) / Toro Rosso’s Carlos Sainz, Jr. (DNF)
  • …McLaren’s Fernando Alonso (5) / McLaren’s Jenson Button (9)
  • …Force India’s Nico Hülkenberg (DNF) / Williams’ Valtteri Bottas (13)
  • …Haas’ Romain Grosjean (7) / Toro Rosso’s Daniil Kvyat (2)
  • …Force India’s Sergio Perez (DNF) / Ferrari’s Kimi Räikkönen (DNF)
  • …Haas’ Esteban Gutierrez (N/A) / Sauber’s Felipe Nasr (11)
  • …Renault’s Jolyon Palmer (N/A) / Williams’ Felipe Massa (12)
  • …Renault’s Kevin Magnussen (N/A) / Sauber’s Marcus Ericsson (10)*
  • …Manor’s Pascal Wehrlein (N/A) / Manor’s Rio Haryanto (N/A)
  • …*A broken chassis from his Q1 crash will start Ericsson from pitlane today.
  • Hmmm…
  • …Anything else?
  • Well…
  • …Mercedes last won in Hungary in 2013.
  • …Which was Lewis Hamilton’s second Hungarian Grand Prix win in a row.
  • …And, fourth win in Budapest.
  • …So, take that information, call a side of a coin, and flip it.
  • The other (past) Hungarian Grand Prix winners on the grid are…
  • …Vettel (2015), Ricciardo (2014), Button (2011, 2006), Räikkönen (2005)…
  • …And, Alonso, whose 2003 win made him F1’s youngest winner.
  • …(He’s since been overtaken by Vettel and our little teen wonder, Verstappen.)
  • And…
  • …It’s worth noting that this is the 30th anniversary of the Hungarian Grand Prix.
  • …Which makes is a rather huge step in the history of sports and global politics.
  • …Having run its first laps behind the Iron Curtain.
  • …Hey, it’s a cool factoid for nerds like me.
  • Also…
  • …Track limits will be policed electronically.
  • …With sensors strategically placed.
  • And, of course, there are those radio rules.
  • …Basically, if a driver reports a problem…
  • …All a team can do is call a car in.
  • …To either fix it, or retire it.
  • …So, while the Cold War missiles may be gone…
  • …There’s a potential for all sorts of mechanical loose canons on track.
  • …But, I’ll hold back on another round of ranting on safety.
  • …For now.
  • Here we go!!!
  • Red Bull are going for it!
  • Ricciardo passes both Mercs!
  • …Ooohhh, but they take it back.
  • …With Hamilton in the lead.
  • …But, my god, are the Red Bulls giving them a fight!
  • Wehrlein has lept up to 17th and speeding along.
  • …Never forget those Manors.
  • Alonso leapfrogs compatriot Sainz.
  • …For sixth.
  • At Lap 6…
  • …Hamilton, Rosberg, Ricciardo, Verstappen, and Vettel lead.
  • …With Alonso, Sainz, Bottas, Hülkenberg, and Grosjean in the top ten.
  • …And, Räikkönen, Gutierrez, Perez, Nasr, Palmer, Wehrlein, Magnussen, Massa, Kvyat, Haryanto, Ericsson, and Button (still) in it.
  • Minttu!!!
  • …Shot of Minttu Virtanen.
  • …Kimi’s fiancee.
  • …Mom of Robin.
  • Okay…
  • …If you’re wondering where the hell Button went…
  • …He’s got some mechanicals.
  • …He radioed that his foot is to the floor, but nothing is happening.
  • …They’ve told him to stay out.
  • …Which threw his wonderful sarcasm into beautiful overdrive.
  • …Oh, but these radio restrictions are great.
  • …It has been reported that they’re under investigation.
  • …As they did slip and tell him to keep shifting.
  • …Nothing specific, just to keep shifting and stay out.
  • …And…
  • …Yep…
  • …A drive-through penalty for Button.
  • …For that slip.
  • …I mean…
  • …Silliness.
  • …Reckless silliness.
  • …A driver experiencing an unresponsive car is a danger on track.
  • …One doesn’t have to think long to picture the sorts of accidents that could be caused in that fast-moving, everything happening everywhere at once, traffic.
  • …So, slow clap for the radio rules.
  • While the Button silliness was going down…
  • …Verstappen radioed that he’s “…driving like a grandma…”.
  • …Okay…
  • …Who are these bozos who are anti-radio?
  • …Man, I want to hear every goddamn thing!
  • …About every goddamn thing!
  • …Also, just think…
  • …What Verstappen considers ‘grandma’ could be what most of these other guys call ‘mom’.
  • …Young, so young.
  • More radio from Button.
  • …Who has just said what I just said.
  • …The situation, with no radio instruction,in track traffic, is a safety issue.
  • …Thank.  You.  Jenson.  Button.
  • …A big-ass, born in ’80 high-five to you, sir.
  • So…
  • …There’s been pitting.
  • …Which has led to a bit of a traffic jam behind Bottas.
  • …Who isn’t going to make their lives any easier.
  • …Neither is Kimi…
  • …Who has just zipped past Verstappen.
  • …Oldest versus youngest.
  • …Always a good time.
  • …You know, youth dominance in F1 is a (relatively) new thing.
  • …The sport used to be dominated by the 40+ crowd.
  • …I don’t know when things got so ageist.
  • …But, I would like to point out all the mid-30s guys who are (still) very much at the top of their game.
  • At Lap 21…
  • …Hamilton, Rosberg, Ricciardo, Vettel, and Räikkönen lead.
  • …Verstappen, Perez, Palmer, Magnussen, and Alonso round out the top ten.
  • …With Sainz, Bottas, Massa, Kvyat, Hülkenberg, Gutierrez, Grosjean, Haryanto, Nasr, Wehrlein, Button, and Ericsson (still) very much in it.
  • If you’re looking at those standings, and wondering what the fuck is going on…
  • …There’s just been a pitting flurry.
  • …And, passing is (notoriously) difficult at the Hungaroring.
  • …So, it’s like being stuck in traffic.
  • …And, some guys are having car problems.
  • …That there’s nothing they can do about.
  • …Because, the powers that be are the library ghost in ‘Ghostbusters’.
  • …”GET HER!!!”
  • Mercedes has radioed Hamilton to “Pick the pace up a little bit”.
  • …How the fuck is that legal?
  • …I mean, come on.
  • …”GET THEM!!!”
  • Even with DRS enabled…
  • …Verstappen just can’t get around Kimi.
  • …And, to those questioning Kimi’s contract extension…
  • …This is why.
  • …These guys can not only (still) get the job done…
  • …They’ve got invaluable experience to back it up.
  • On a race-unrelated, programming related note…
  • …I fucking hate all these fucking beer commercials revolving around fitness.
  • …Passionately.
  • …Like, my eyes go back in my head and I make gagging faces.
  • …I (also) fucking hate Audi ads…
  • …Now that they’ve shifted from catering to sporty women…
  • …To total fucking douchebags.
  • …I’m never going to work in the auto industry, am I?
  • …Eh, whatever.
  • …I’m old enough to have accepted that long ago.
  • Oh, hey, the race!
  • Kimi has (finally) pitted.
  • …But, it was good.
  • …A brief battle with fellow old fart Alonso ensues.
  • …Aaannnddd, guess what Verstappen is looking at in his mirrors.
  • …I know I’ve asked this before, but…
  • …Do you think drivers can feel those Nordic eyes on them?
  • …Does it burn their souls?
  • …That said, it may be advantageous to be a teenager.
  • …We’ve all been there.
  • …They don’t give a shit.
  • Ricciardo pits.
  • …No word on whether he struggles with not making armpit fart noises at the mention of “pit”.
  • …Anyway, he emerges just a tad back.
  • …And, has been zipping his way (back) up.
  • …Which may be problematic, as he’s hit Verstappen and Vettel.
  • …Oh, crap!
  • …Which feminine hygiene company uses “Hail to the V”?
  • …Oh, I’m blanking!
  • …Anyway…
  • …You can use that information how you’d like.
  • …Also, you can call me your pusher, dealer, arms provider, or whatever.
  • …It’s (all) good.
  • Oh!
  • …I keep forgetting to mention that Kvyat was penalized for speeding in the pitlane.
  • …There was a little break dust.
  • …It was pretty obvious.
  • Verstappen has been given a track-limit warning.
  • …At Turn 11.
  • …You get three strikes.
  • …So, that’s how the new electronic policing is working thus far.
  • Apparently, Mercedes has shared their pitting plans for Rosberg with Hamilton.
  • …So, again, I have to ask…
  • …What the fuck?
  • …Button’s car is unresponsive…
  • …With traffic zipping all around him…
  • …But, McHonda can’t say a thing.
  • …However, it’s okay to tell Hamilton to put his foot down and when to do it?
  • …Am I taking fucking crazy pills?
  • …Because, one sounds a lot like performance coaching, while the other sounds like accident-prevention, to me.
  • …And, the punishments seem to be reversed.
  • Uh-oh…
  • …Remember when Red Bull weren’t ready for Ricciardo…
  • …After calling him in to pit?
  • …Because, Force India don’t.
  • …They’ve just botched Perez’s stop.
  • …Not -as- unprepared as that Ricciardo flub.
  • …They had their stuff.
  • …They just weren’t in position.
  • …And, it was just shortly after Hülkenberg has pitted.
  • At Lap 45…
  • …Hamilton, Rosberg, Ricciardo, Räikkönen, and Vettel lead.
  • …Verstappen, Alonso, Sainz, Bottas, and Kvyat complete the top ten.
  • …And, Palmer, Hülkenberg, Gutierrez, Perez, Grosjean, Magnussen, Nasr, Ericsson, Massa, Button, Wehrlein, and Haryanto are (still) very much in it.
  • …Or, in it and suffering all sorts of mechanicals.
  • …Which could explode into chaos, tossing the standings like confetti, at any moment.
  • …Just saying.
  • Perez radios his team…
  • …”Why weren’t you ready?”
  • …They’ll discuss it later.
  • …They should discuss it with his dad.
  • …Who loves life and having fun.
  • …But, who can just look terrifyingly intimidating.
  • …He’s fun, I like him!
  • Kvyat pits…
  • …Serving his five-second penalty while there.
  • Big spin for Palmer!
  • …With an equally big recovery.
  • …Oh!
  • …But, right ahead of the speeding leaders!
  • …That was a little frightening.
  • …Plus, Vettel had just bitched about a lack of Blue Flags.
  • …Again.
  • …The Ferrari boys are the best at yelling about Blue Flags.
  • …(Blue Flags let the slower cars know that the faster cars are coming back around, and that they need to move aside.)
  • Track limit violation warning Number 2 for Verstappen.
  • …This time at Turn 4.
  • Kimi has pitted.
  • …He reenters behind Verstappen.
  • Alonso gets his third track limit warning.
  • …Okay, so, clarification…
  • …You -get- three.
  • …A fourth gets you a penalty.
  • Gutierrez is under investigation for ignoring the Blues Flags.
  • …Basically, he got in Hamilton’s way.
  • …Hamilton expressed his thoughts with his hand.
  • …But, we’ll see what Race Control has to say.
  • Räikkönen and Verstappen continue to go at it.
  • …Now, remember, Kimi started from P14.
  • …This fight is for fifth.
  • …With an absolute powerhouse of who’s who-s ahead.
  • …So, no matter what, Kimi kicked ass today.
  • Five-second stop-and-go for Gutierrez.
  • Oh!
  • …And, Verstappen’s blocking has led to contact!
  • …As Kimi carries on with a pretty badly damaged left-front wing.
  • …And, yes, here comes the radio yelling.
  • …I could listen to the Ferrari boys all race, I (really) could.
  • …And Button.
  • …Vettel and Räikkönen’s yelling and natural swearing.
  • …And Button’s never-ending supply of aggressive (sometimes passive, sometimes not-so-much) sarcasm.
  • …These guys just say shit.
  • …They just don’t care.
  • Verstappen is complaining that “Kimi is going outside the track limits”.
  • …Okay, that was such a teen thing to radio.
  • …Toss the older guy under the bus to try to make a point.
  • …Like, ‘Well, he did it, too – look at him – see!’.
  • …I feel that there’s a classic ‘Beetlejuice’ quote for that…
  • …’KIDS – YOU KNOW I LOVE ‘EM!”
  • …Thus far, it does not appear that any investigation over Verstappen’s (seemingly) excessive blocking has taken place.
  • SLAPS!
  • …5 laps remaining!
  • Button has retired.
  • …Yes, he drove that thing that long.
  • …On the up-side, no one was killed.
  • …So, that’s nice.
  • As the race winds down…
  • …Vettel is all over Ricciardo.
  • …For third.
  • …As Räikkönen continues to ride Verstappen.
  • …For fifth.
  • …With that disabled front wing.
  • …Because, he’s fucking Kimi, bitches.
  • …Yes, those are two (different) battles.
  • …Two Ferraris on two Red Bulls.
  • …So, it’s understandable, if you got a little lost in the visuals.
  • Kimi shouts a little more into the radio.
  • …Complete with cursing.
  • …Basically, he’s sick of Verstappen’s questionable defensive tactics.
  • Final lap.
  • Checkered flag.
  • Hamilton crosses the line first.
  • …His fifth win at Hungary.
  • …And, no one notices.
  • …Seriously.
  • …That was a little weird.
  • Rosberg takes second.
  • And, now to where all eyes were…
  • Ricciardo wins the battle for the final step on the podium.
  • Vettel settles for a very respectable fourth.
  • Verstappen takes the battle for fifth.
  • Räikkönen’s broken Ferrari crosses the line in sixth.
  • Alonso holds onto seventh.
  • Sainz takes eighth.
  • Bottas nabs ninth.
  • And, it’s Hülkenberg who takes that coveted last point.
  • With that botched pit stop leaving Perez in 11th.
  • Palmer, Gutierrez, Grosjean, Magnussen, Kvyat, Nasr, Massa, Wehrlein, Ericsson, and Haryanto all fought hard, survived, and come away with a lot of positives – and stories to tell.
  • And, Button stands as the lone retirement.
  • …After being left out in the cold of a highly precarious position for way too long.
  • …Welcome to radio-free F1.
  • …Gross.
  • Okay, let’s to this podium thing.
  • …With this win, Hamilton overtakes Rosberg for the Championship lead.
  • …So, there are non-verbal reactions to that to look for.
  • When asked if Gutierrez wasn’t going to be invited to Hamilton’s next sailing trip…
  • …Hamilton responded that, “Nah, it’s all good”…
  • …And noted that traffic was a challenge today.
  • …As I mentioned, the Hungaroring isn’t a great place for passing.
  • …And, from the sound of it, the Blue Flags may have been a bit delayed.
  • …So, I think the Ferrari boys said what needed to be said.
  • Okay…
  • …Well…
  • …That’s that for the Hungarian Grand Prix.
  • …I don’t know…
  • …Was it more boring, or exciting?
  • …I mean, F1 is never boring.
  • …But, on the grand Grands Prix spectrum…
  • …Maaayyybeee a little…
  • …Anticlimactic?
  • …Some good battles, some exciting shifts on the leader board…
  • …But…
  • …On top of the passing difficulties…
  • …Maybe there were some feelings of restrictions…
  • …Between the radio clampdown and the track limit enforcements.
  • …Maybe it was full domination by the team that dominates every race, at a race expected to give others their shot.
  • …Maybe it was just a lack of proper preparedness, as can happen when cars run in crap conditions, never getting a real trial run in race day conditions.
  • …I don’t know.
  • …Some days, there’s just something missing.
  • …However…
  • …I cannot stress enough that there were (absolutely) come great battles.
  • …And a ton of positives to take away from it.
  • …I can (safely) say that everyone gave their all (today).
  • …As seen, clear as day, in the shifting standings.
  • …It was tight.
  • …From beginning to end.
  • …So, onward and upward.
  • Oh, and those radio restrictions are ridiculous.
  • If F1, really and truly, wants to not only prioritize safety…
  • …But, advance precautions…
  • …They need to just allow those mechanical discussions.
  • …If they would like to clamp down on ‘performance coaching’…
  • …Why not start with directives such as “put your foot down”…
  • …Or, sharing a teammate’s pit schedules?
  • …I mean, how hard is that?
  • …Really?
  • …”Did you tell your driver to go faster?”
  • …”Did you share information on where other drivers are, and how far behind they are?”
  • …”Yes?”
  • …”That’s coaching.”
  • …Get your shit together, F1.
  • That said…
  • …I love it.
  • …And, there’s one (more) round before Summer Break.
  • …Which is…
  • …Germany!
  • …It’s back!
  • …As it should be!
  • …It will be at Hockenheim (this year).
  • …And, it’s next weekend.
  • …So, buckle up for one last ride.
  • …Before the second half rush.
  • …Germany’s back!!!
  • …How it was ever gone, is beyond me.
  • …But, it’s back!!!
  • Before I sign off…
  • …How about a little look at the Championship standings?
  • The Drivers’ Championship…
  • …Mercedes’ Lewis Hamilton – 192 / Mercedes’ Nico Rosberg – 186
  • …Red Bull’s Daniel Ricciardo – 115 / Ferrari’s Kimi Räikkönen – 114
  • …Ferrari’s Sebastian Vettel – 110 / Red Bull’s Max Verstappen – 100
  • …Williams’ Valtteri Bottas – 56 / Force India’s Sergio Perez – 47
  • …Williams’ Felipe Massa – 38 / Toro Rosso’s Carlos Sainz, Jr. 30
  • …Haas’ Romain Grosjean – 28 / Force India’s Nico Hülkenberg – 27
  • …McLaren’s Fernando Alonso – 24 / Toro Rosso’s Daniil Kvyat – 23
  • …McLaren’s Jenson Button – 13 / Renault’s Kevin Magnussen – 6
  • …Manor’s Pascal Wehrlein – 1 / McLaren’s (Reserve) Stoffel Vandoorne – 1
  • …Haas’ Esteban Gutierrez – 0 / Renault’s Jolyon Palmer – 0
  • …Sauber’s Marcus Ericsson – 0 / Sauber’s Felipe Nasr – 0
  • …Manor’s Rio Haryanto – 0
  • The Constructors’ Championship…
  • …Mercedes – 378 / Ferrari – 224 / Red Bull – 223
  • …Williams – 94 / Force India – 74 / Toro Rosso – 45
  • …McLaren – 38 / Haas – 28 / Renault – 6
  • …Manor – 1 / Sauber – 0
  • Now…
  • …Get ready for Germany…
  • …Because…
  • …”My family and I are looking for Sechs”!